7/04/2017 - On the bright side

(over half way at time of posting!)

With my last post being so whiny, I'm counter-acting it with a more positive view.  My last appointment went well, the pins are behaving themselves and I'm on track to having this removed on 12th May.

I had a lovely weekend, hanging with C and friends, watching and playing music and fishing on a beautiful, secluded beach.  I actually managed to take my mind of the halo and really appreciate where my life is at.  Aside from the obvious, I'm in a good place and have a lot to be thankful for.

First and foremost, I am surrounded by wonderful people and lots of love and good energy.  My parents have called nearly every day and talked me through the tough times.  My bro and best mate have called, text and sent funny videos to cheer me  up.  I've gone on enough about how fortunate I am to have met C and have him in my life and he also comes with an amazing family.  His parents have welcomed me into their home and provided me with love, support, comfort, and care. His sisters are looking out for me, checking I'm going ok, lending an ear and keeping me entertained.  My friends are always sending beautiful wishes and words of support.

Secondly, living in Australia means I have access to appropriate medical care and treatment and I haven't had to pay outright for any of it.  Without a job, I can't imagine the predicament I would be in if this had happened somewhere like America.

Worse things happen to better people.  The halo is a conversation starter and people tend to tell me about injuries and illnesses that they, or their loved ones have experienced or are still going through.  This really puts a perspective on what I'm enduring, which will all be done and dusted in 5 weeks.

The halfway point has been significant in adjusting my mindset.   The last week has flown by.  This point seemed so unreachable 3 weeks ago, yet here I am. Can't wait to get the bloody thing off but I'm on the home stretch now and it will all be ok.

22/03/2017 - Ups and downs

This week wasn't so good.  On Friday I went for my routine appointment, shampoo at the ready, only to be told the back right pin had completely lost tension.  They could basically twist it round with their fingers which felt really bizarre.  A CT scan and a few hours later, they determined it would need to be taken out and a new pin would need to be put in beside it.  Oh, and no shower.  Great.

Re-positioning the pin was about 50% as bad as having the Halo fitted and, trust me, that's bad enough.  C was allowed to be there this time which was a comfort.  It can't be pleasant watching a pin get pushed into someone's head, he was great.  The cause of the loosening is unknown and the front left was also very loose and now has to be monitored closely.  At least there is no sign of infection for now.

Friday night was awful.  I felt so low, over it all and in pain.  I took an Endone to help me sleep then woke up on Saturday morning and had a melt down.  I believe it was the Endone, I felt exactly how I felt in the first few hospital days.  I couldn't stop sobbing and couldn't control my breath which felt horrible as it was putting strain on the two pins screwed into my forehead.  I didn't want to leave the room.  C calmed me down, I had a good wash and felt a bit better.  His sister later performed an emotional healing on me and I released A LOT.  She could feel that my body hadn't fully processed or let go of  all the trauma and shock from the accident.  It made complete sense and I have been much calmer since.  We ended up having a lovely impromptu night with C's family at his sister's house which lifted my spirits.

So, it was back to The Alfred on Monday to have the pins re-tensioned again.  This time I was allowed a shower which made the trip worthwhile.  All being well, I can see the half way line now which I feel will be a huge milestone.  Onwards and upwards.

15/03/2017 - A good week

The last week has flown by and was great!  I had such a good time at Golden Plains.  I hired a mobility scooter which made getting around the site amongst the crowds really easy and added to the fun.  The halo (although beautifully decorated with flowers and glo sticks) was it's usual uncomfortable, annoying self but I embraced it as a different experience and it didn't hinder me too much.  Beer and Espresso Martinis helped:

I had lots of shout outs from the punters:

"You're amazing, you look beautiful"

"Good on you for making it here with that on your head"

"Woah, is that screwed into your skull, that's awesome" (glad someone thinks so)

And my favourite:

"I thought I was doing well bringing my two kids here but you're on a whole new level"

It made me feel really proud of myself and less self conscious.  A good music festival really brings out the best in people.  I got to hang out with my cousin all weekend and he was a total champ.  He let me be me and didn't baby me once.  And the staff, 'The Meredith Family', what can I say?  Such a beautiful bunch of friends to have.  I'm privileged to be a part of it.

02/03/2017 - First World Problems

2 weeks down.  It's been tough so far but a positive attitude helps (so clichéd, but true).  If I took my freedom and options for granted before I will certainly appreciate them now they have been limited.  I reckon we humans have a bee in our bonnets when it comes to achievement.  It's hard not doing much and feeling like I'm just filling time.  I've come to realise, however, that I am achieving.  I'm getting out of bed in the morning, smiling and getting on with my days.  It's no small achievement as it's difficult to adjust, accept and remain social and positive.  This is not to say that I'm not bored and envious of people doing things that I can't, but I'm recognising this, dealing with it and moving on.  I'm trying not to dwell on the time I have left in this thing, focusing on it all being over at some point.  Paralysis would have meant dealing with a lot worse for the rest of my life.

I'm in two minds about attending Golden Plains music festival.  I can go and lament that it won't be the experience I was so looking forward to.  I can go and be jealous and resentful of the other punters, care-free, loving life, being able to look fabulous and dancing the night away.  If that's the case, I'd be best not going.  I'd feel bitter and self conscious.  OR, I can find the strength to go and be truly grateful that I'm there at all.  I can accept my limitations and just enjoy being there.  I can make the most of spending time with friends and seeing awesome music.  First world problems...

P.S. My hair is GROSS!  As I can't get the lambswool lining of the halo vest wet, I am permitted a full shower every two weeks at the orthotics department before they change the linings.  Otherwise I sponge bathe.  Sucks, right?  Grease and dandruff be gone tomorrow, YAY!  I am also getting the pins re-tensioned, I hope this isn't too painful.  Keeping my mind on clean hair, getting to see C and catching up with friends tomorrow night.  Life could be worse.