20/06/2017 - It's been a while

I have been meaning to update this sooner but time is really getting away now I'm HALO free.  I re-read all my posts and it's weird to think I am now at the point where the HALO is a memory.  Life has just about returned to normal.

My last appointment at the Alfred was 12th May when I was told I could start weaning myself out of the hard collar.  It's great not having to go back there every couple of weeks.  I haven't quite got full movement back but enough to not really notice, being able to drive again is brilliant.  There is occasional stiffness and pain but nothing unbearable.  I am moving into a new house next week and starting the job I was originally offered before breaking my neck.

I've been contemplating if my experience in the HALO has changed me.  I think the short answer is not much but I certainly look at things in a different way and with more appreciation now.  I resist trying to control things so much and feel less guilty just going with the flow.  I guess I am less worried about things going wrong.   It hasn't all been rainbows and butterflies, however, life after a traumatic experience brings a few challenges.  Adjusting to the HALO was tough, then sooner than I expected, I had to adjust back to regular life. There was a presence of depression in the HALO which is hard to shake after the high of having it removed.  Perhaps this was just my experience.  When things seem tough, however, I now have a great benchmark of how hard things can be.  It helps to remind myself that it could have been a whole lot tougher, too.

I think I have become a better listener, too.  I found that people opened up to me when I was in the HALO as I was a captive audience.  I am not as hasty to offer my opinion.  In turn, I am really loving having other things to converse with other than a cage on my head.

On a small note,  I had my hair done and she didn't do a great job.  Pre HALO, there may have been a bit of a tantrum over this.  Although I'm loving being able to wear what I like and do things with my hair, I feel less insecure with my appearance as I did before breaking my neck.  I still make an effort but I am less concerned with it now.  The scars are still fairly visible and I am still using Bio-Oil.  Sometimes they bother me but most of the time they don't.

This may be my last post for a while.  I hope that I have helped at least one person by sharing my experience.

08/05/2017 - Some normality

It's been over a week since the HALO was removed and I'm still smiling.   I feel like myself again. It's great how simple things are, I hardly even notice I am wearing the Miami J.  Showers are lovely, sleeping is easy, hugging is the best thing ever...I have noticed that I have been more tired than usual, which reminds me it's not quite over yet and my body is still trying to heal. I am not encouraged to move my neck much but there is definitely some movement returning.  It's exciting but I'm not going to push it too far.  My neck and shoulders feel quite stiff when I get up in the morning but this eases as the day goes on.

The pin sights are looking ok, they are a still a bit pink and indented. The front right is more indented and noticeable then the left, there will definitely be a more prominent scar there.  To my own surprise, I'm not as bothered by what the scars will look like as I was when the HALO was first put on.  I guess after what I've been through they will be small badges of honour for enduring 10 weeks with my head in a cage!

Pin sites 10 days after removal

I am still staying with C's folks but looking forward to returning to site next week.  I have an appointment for X-Rays at the Alfred on Friday, which was my original removal date.  I've been thankful for the last week as I can begin thinking about what's next but, in a way, I can still take it easy and not feel pressured to rush back into things.  My activities are still somewhat limited in the collar but I can start looking for a job and a house all over again, this time with a bit more enthusiasm!  

The most frustrating thing about the collar is I still can't go and get my hair done until I stop wearing it full time.  If the HALO has taught me anything, however, it's patience.  Also, I feel I'm less concerned about my appearance now.  I still can't wait for a cut and dye but, hey, now the HALO is gone, I can wear hats again!

30/04/2017 - Happy Days!

IT'S OFF!!  2 WEEKS EARLY AND I FEEL FRRRRREEEEEEEEE!  Here's what happened:

The day before my routine tightening and shower appointment  (27/04) there was a message on my phone from my orthotist asking me to go to the fracture clinic before the appointment.  I freaked out a bit, given the day I had last Wednesday, I was worried they had found something more serious upon further inspection of the CT scan.  I called the fracture clinic, told them I was anxious and the doc said "it's nothing to worry about, they just want to decide whether the HALO can come off or if you need another re-adjustment". "Come off?  It might come off?".  I tried not to get my hopes up but needless to say, I didn't sleep so well on Thursday night. It turned out that was my last night sleeping in the HALO.  WOO HOO!

Last week's visit to the Alfred wasn't a complete waste of time as the doctor had since looked at the CT and decided I was healed enough for removal, as opposed to risking more problems with the pin sites. Yay! The removal wasn't as bad as I was expecting.  I had watched youtube videos of HALOs being removed and was expecting a bit of pain.  The feeling was more of intense pressure rather than pain, but it doesn't take long.  It's not a pleasant feeling but I had been through worse and it was nowhere near as bad as having it fitted.  I felt a little light headed at first and every tiny movement in my neck felt amplified but it wasn't as weird as I expected.  It was lovely to get the vest removed and feel the air on my back.  I now have to wear a Miami J collar for the next 4 weeks, which is a bit of a bummer but I can tolerate anything after the HALO!

The first thing I did was hug C and it felt amaaaaaaaazing!  Then, I spent the whole day with a massive grin on my face (see above) thinking "I couldn't do that with the halo on" (hug, get in and out of a car without contorting, sit in a comfortable position, put a T-Shirt over my head, scratch my head, scratch my back, brush my hair, wear a beanie, did I mention hug?)  It was like little pieces of joy being dispensed to me all throughout the day.  I put my head against the pillows that night, pulled the duvet right over my shoulders and it felt divine.  C cuddled into my back and I was in heaven!  I haven't had the full hair-wash-shower yet (I've been advised to wait until the pin holes are fully sealed) but tonight's the night and I can't wait.  

For the next 4 weeks, I'm only allowed to remove the collar when I change the linings (every 2-3 days or after I wash my hair) but so far it's a piece of cake compared to the HALO.  I have to be cautious as the fracture is still somewhat unstable and I'm more vulnerable in the collar.  My shoulders and neck feel a bit stiff and the pin sites are itchy but that's minor niggles.  IT'S OFF!  Most of my non-halo clothes are at the festival site so I'm still wearing wide necked tops and this morning I stepped into one and laughed as I pulled it up, forgetting it could have gone over my head.  Sometimes, it's the little things we barely consider in life that we take for granted.

14/04/2017 - Getting there...

The end is in sight and it's exciting to see the light at the end of the tunnel.  4 weeks seems so do-able, it's a relief to reach that mind set.  I don't feel like there is much to report on this week because everything has been fairly 'normal' despite the Halo.

My appointment was on Wednesday, instead of today, because of the Easter public holiday.  The Halo is still behaving itself and everything is on track for removal.  C and I went to the movies afterwards then stayed at a friends house where we caught up and had a few beers.  I met some friends for lunch yesterday then had a few beers with my cousin last night.

I'm staying in Melbourne with my cousin this weekend and it's therapeutic to have a change of scenery.  I'm looking forward to going back to the caravan next week and staying with C, then we have a wedding to attend on the 22nd.  I've found a decent outfit to wear, it's not what I would normally choose, but it's practical and i'll just need to rock it with some red lippy and a headscarf to cover the greys!

It's fun to be out and about and catching up with people.  It helps me focus on what I can still do in this thing, as opposed to lamenting what I can't.  I'm gutted I'm missing Boogie festival but there will be plenty of partying to be done when I'm out of this to make up for it.  All in all everything is ticking along nicely. I still can't wait to have this removed but I can put up with it for the duration and fantasise about hugs, showers and a funky new haircut until then.

22/03/2017 - Ups and downs

This week wasn't so good.  On Friday I went for my routine appointment, shampoo at the ready, only to be told the back right pin had completely lost tension.  They could basically twist it round with their fingers which felt really bizarre.  A CT scan and a few hours later, they determined it would need to be taken out and a new pin would need to be put in beside it.  Oh, and no shower.  Great.

Re-positioning the pin was about 50% as bad as having the Halo fitted and, trust me, that's bad enough.  C was allowed to be there this time which was a comfort.  It can't be pleasant watching a pin get pushed into someone's head, he was great.  The cause of the loosening is unknown and the front left was also very loose and now has to be monitored closely.  At least there is no sign of infection for now.

Friday night was awful.  I felt so low, over it all and in pain.  I took an Endone to help me sleep then woke up on Saturday morning and had a melt down.  I believe it was the Endone, I felt exactly how I felt in the first few hospital days.  I couldn't stop sobbing and couldn't control my breath which felt horrible as it was putting strain on the two pins screwed into my forehead.  I didn't want to leave the room.  C calmed me down, I had a good wash and felt a bit better.  His sister later performed an emotional healing on me and I released A LOT.  She could feel that my body hadn't fully processed or let go of  all the trauma and shock from the accident.  It made complete sense and I have been much calmer since.  We ended up having a lovely impromptu night with C's family at his sister's house which lifted my spirits.

So, it was back to The Alfred on Monday to have the pins re-tensioned again.  This time I was allowed a shower which made the trip worthwhile.  All being well, I can see the half way line now which I feel will be a huge milestone.  Onwards and upwards.

7/03/2017 - Trapped, with Time

Can't do this, shouldn't do that
Sitting around as time gets fat
Days grow, weeks seem to swell
The real pain lies where patience dwells

The sentence sounds short, the chore looms huge
Monotony and boredom are poor refuge
Will soon catch the quarter, the half still laughs
Dividing won't shorten the length of the path

Bones healing as muscles die
Head caged whilst mind tries to fly
Onward, time travels as I am still
Weakened movement, occasional will