02/03/2017 - First World Problems

2 weeks down.  It's been tough so far but a positive attitude helps (so clichéd, but true).  If I took my freedom and options for granted before I will certainly appreciate them now they have been limited.  I reckon we humans have a bee in our bonnets when it comes to achievement.  It's hard not doing much and feeling like I'm just filling time.  I've come to realise, however, that I am achieving.  I'm getting out of bed in the morning, smiling and getting on with my days.  It's no small achievement as it's difficult to adjust, accept and remain social and positive.  This is not to say that I'm not bored and envious of people doing things that I can't, but I'm recognising this, dealing with it and moving on.  I'm trying not to dwell on the time I have left in this thing, focusing on it all being over at some point.  Paralysis would have meant dealing with a lot worse for the rest of my life.

I'm in two minds about attending Golden Plains music festival.  I can go and lament that it won't be the experience I was so looking forward to.  I can go and be jealous and resentful of the other punters, care-free, loving life, being able to look fabulous and dancing the night away.  If that's the case, I'd be best not going.  I'd feel bitter and self conscious.  OR, I can find the strength to go and be truly grateful that I'm there at all.  I can accept my limitations and just enjoy being there.  I can make the most of spending time with friends and seeing awesome music.  First world problems...

P.S. My hair is GROSS!  As I can't get the lambswool lining of the halo vest wet, I am permitted a full shower every two weeks at the orthotics department before they change the linings.  Otherwise I sponge bathe.  Sucks, right?  Grease and dandruff be gone tomorrow, YAY!  I am also getting the pins re-tensioned, I hope this isn't too painful.  Keeping my mind on clean hair, getting to see C and catching up with friends tomorrow night.  Life could be worse.

23/02/2017 - Adjusting

One week down.  I got over feeling sorry for myself a few days ago.  It's not easy but it definitely gets easier.  The first few days consisted of waking up and sobbing at the injustice of it all, angry that it wasn't a nightmare and the bloody thing was still attached to me.

"Stay positive!" they say.  Bullshit.  Granted, I would do myself no favours moping around in my own pity party but it's been important to let myself feel what I'm feeling and to release the negative thoughts.  Since the pain and tension have eased off my head has been in a much better space (considering its's trapped in a cage!).

Too much time to think is making me very philosophical.  What is the universe trying to tell me?  How can I make the most of this situation.  Is it acceptable to sit around watching crap TV for 3 months or should I be doing something more meaningful?  It's early days, time will tell.

The Challenges So Far

Letting people look after me:  I'm not very good at this in general.  I'm realising that when people want to help it does them a dis-service to resist.  Be humble, accepting and grateful.  It's best for everyone involved.

Clothes:  There has been a fair bit of tears, trial and error.  Everything looks weird.  Elasticated off the shoulder tops, hoodies and making my bottom half look slim seems to be the go.  I've given up a certain degree of vanity but it's important to me to take pride in my appearance if I'm out and about.  Although no-one is looking at my outfit, I still want to look as good as I can.  Work in progress.

Sex:  Relatives can feel free to stop reading now but there isn't much written about this and I think it's important to address.  It's permitted with caution but I'm still not sure how I feel about it.  I'm very sexually attracted to my partner and we have great sex.  It's frustrating to lie beside him and not be able to feel his arms around me, his chest on mine.  Kissing is clunky and he can only cuddle my belly.  I've never felt so unattractive, Halo's aren't exactly a turn on (although I've stumbled across a few fetish sites but that's a whole other story!).  I don't know if abstinence is the answer but had this accident been as bad as it could have then this would've been a whole new ball game.  I'm lucky I can return to a regular (awesome) sex life when this is over.  He better watch out!